Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
