well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
