i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
do nipples grow back?
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