i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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