biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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