Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
