Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
