I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
