I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
