508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
