I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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