Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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