Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
