I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
