Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
