What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
