Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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