just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
third nipple confirmed
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
