Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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