He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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