Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
