He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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