Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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