I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
