I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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