Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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