the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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