The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize