; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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