I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
