So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
