We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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