The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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