he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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