I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
