fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
