It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
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And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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