Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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