dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
