What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
