I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
