You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
