so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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