She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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