I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We have started to decorate penises.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home