Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome