a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.