they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize