My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?