I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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