I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day