just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
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Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.