There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.