My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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