that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
