I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
