we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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