it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am one with the molecules
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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