Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
