i would punch a child for taco bell
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
