Duck Duck Cougar?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
