omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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