He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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