To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
