Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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