Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
