Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
