we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
